Shingeki no Internet
by WolfSpiritFlower
Summary: Hanji comes up with two new devices, one of which she calls a cell phone, that can connect with anyone, inside the walls and out. It's quick, easy to use, and much more affective for alerting each other than a flare will ever be. The other is called a laptop, used to design formations and save files. Unfortunately though, both come with drawbacks...
1. SnK vs Autocorrect

_**I got this idea while I was looking at autocorrect fails and I was like, 'some of these would be really funny with SnK' and then, this was born.**_

_**We shall now bear witness to what happens when SnK meets technology. Oh, and dead people...well, for some reason they aren't really dead, so just...just don't question it.  
**_

_**Genre: Humor/Parody**_

_**Rated: T+ ( I don't really know what this should be classified as, so T+ it is. Let me know if you think it's vulgar enough to be M)**_

_**Warnings: Some really coarse and vulgar language, and lots of swearing, and lots of bashing autocorrect, and ships. Lots and lots of ships.**_

_**Summary: Hanji comes up with two new devices, one of which she calls a cell phone, that can connect with anyone, inside the walls and out. It's quick, easy to use, and much more affective for alerting each other than a flare will ever be. The other is called a laptop. Unfortunately though, both come with drawbacks...**_

_**Disclaimer: I'm sure everyone knows this, but I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin. Shingeki no Kyojin owns ME, but not the other way around.**_

* * *

_PETRA: Hey Corporal! How are you today?  
_

_LEVI_**_:_**_ Sick. Germans are licking me  
_

_LEVI: dsdghaerhilnaer! GERMS are ATTACKING me, not Germans! WTF is a German anyways!?_

* * *

_JEAN: Hey, Armin, I just swallowed a huge piece of bubble gum. Is that a big deal?_

_ARMIN: Nah, You'll be fine. I've swallowed so much cum in my life and I'm still here._

_JEAN: Wow, Armin, I see you in a whole new light! You're both gay AND a pimp!_

_ARMIN: By Maria, that was a word changed by my phone!_

_JEAN: Suuuuure it was. Don't worry, you're secret's safe with me ;)_

_ARMIN: Fuck you._

_JEAN: No thanks, I like black hair, not blond!_

* * *

_JEAN: So when I was fucking myself in bed last night, I was thinking about how thankful I am for you! :)_

_MARCO: WHAT!?_

_JEAN: *TUCKING! TUCKING! Oh my hell, my phone's got a dirty mind!_

_JEAN: I'm SO SORRY Marco!_

_MARCO: It's okay, just next time make sure your personal thoughts stay personal! _

* * *

_EREN: Sir, I just tried calling Hanji. Do you know where she is?_

_LEVI: She's with Erwin, pantydroppin_

_EREN: EWWW! I did NOT need to know THAT!_

_LEVI: *PLANNING. Pretty sure her pants are still on. For now at least.  
_

_EREN: Damn, you're phone's a freak!_

_LEVI: Yup._

* * *

_HANJI: He's been in Sina since last week. I miss him so much :(_

_PETRA: AW~_

_PETRA: Well, asbestos makes the heart grow fonder! _

_HANJI: Ahahahahaha! No it doesn't, it causes cancer!_

_PETRA: LMAO Girl, this phone is whack!_

_PETRA: I MEANT absence._

* * *

_BERTHOLDT: Hey, you have a minute?_

_BERTHOLDT: I need your ASSINMYFACE_

_BERTHOLDT: By the wall..._

_BERTHOLDT: Ahh_

_BERTHOLDT: ASSISTANCE I need your assistance!_

_REINER: Uhhhhh_

_REINER: Let's leave my ass out of this lol_

_BERTHOLDT: F'N AUTOCORRECT I DO NOT WANT YUR ASS AGTLASJBTGAJSBTWEHJBTRWEJKBfUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!_

_REINER: Um...You okay there, buddy?_

_REINER: Bert?_

* * *

_LEVI: I'll be ready in just a moment I just have to finger my coffee_

_LEVI: *FINISH my coffee* OMG!_

_ERWIN: Yeah, we'll leave in just a little bit, let me just give my lemonade a quick handjob_

* * *

_CONNIE: Hey, I'll see you after training, and I'll bring some treats!_

_SASHA: STOP BRINGING ME JUNK FOOD! _

_SASHA: I should start eating carrots and apples, that would be healthier_

_CONNIE: Ya, I snack on prostitutes_

_CONNIE: WTF? PRINGLES._

_CONNIE: How does Pringles even sound like prostitutes? _

_SASHA: BAHAHAHA!_

_CONNIE: Also, the carrots and apples thing is a bad idea. You might attract a wild Jean._

* * *

_OLUO: Hey, who r u? Someone changed the names in my phone_

_THE CHOSEN ONE: What did they change mine to?_

_OLUO: Uh, the Chosen One._

_THE CHOSEN ONE: Don't change it back_

_OLUO: BUT WHO R U?!_

_THE CHOSEN ONE: The Chosen One._

* * *

_LEVI: I'm going to poop in the shower, see you in a bit_

_LEVI: POP! POP! Omg..._

_HANJI: Ahahaha!_

_LEVI: That was so bad, omg!_

* * *

_JEAN: I'm so amazon!_

_JEAN: *Amazon_

_JEAN: Duck I meant amazin_

_JEAN: *Duck_

_JEAN: Shut I meant Duck!_

_JEAN: FML my phone won't let me swear_

* * *

_JEAN: I actually would have sex with you if you presented yourself naked in front of me right here right now_

_MIKASA: ...What?_

_JEAN: ERM, I mean, hey, what's up?_

_JEAN: Damn autocorrect_

_MIKASA: I don't think autocorrect had anything to do with that._

* * *

_REINER: If you don't ask Annie out, I will_

_BERTHOLDT: You do, and I'll tickle you in the balls._

_BERTHOLDT: *TICKLE_

_BERTHOLDT: GAH! K-I-C-K you in the balls! Fucking piece of shit phone!_

_REINER: I'd LOVE a good ball tickling. LOL_

* * *

_CHRISTA: ^_^ Night night! See you in the morning starshit!_

_CHRISTA: :0 *STARSHINE_

_YMIR: Bahaha I almost just pissed myself! ROFLMFAO_

_YMIR: I'm fucking DYING! AHAHAHAHA!_

* * *

**_And that's all for this chapter! Let me know what you think! If you like it, I'll continue it.  
If you don't like it, I'll still continue it. But still, I like reviews.  
_**

**_Next up: Laptops and horror games! _**


	2. Laptops and Horror Games- Part 1

_**2\. Laptops and Horror games- part 1  
**_

_**Oh my gosh, I'm getting a lot of attention for this story! You guys have no idea how much that means to me!**_

_**Also, as a side note, this story will not have YAOI ships, at least not romantically. Like Ereri. No. Not gonna happen. PLATONIC + FAMILY BONDING Eren x Levi might work it's way in here, but nothing romantic-y. I mean, Levi's old enough to be Eren's dad for goodness' sake. That's gross, probably unhealthy, and if it were to happen in real life Levi would PROBABLY get sent to prison for being a pedophile. No Ereri for you perverted fans 0_o**_

_**So, yeah, if there's any yaoi in here, it's going to be like platonicly or brother(or sister)ly( so basically, not really yaoi). Or jokes. Lots of jokes about it, but nothing serious.  
**_

_**And, just a forewarning, Levi will undoubtedly be OOC. I'll TRY and keep him in character, but just be aware he'll probably be out of character quite a bit.**_

_**_ Oh, and the brackets around [^]_[^] and most other emoticons Hanji types represent her glasses.  
_**_

* * *

Hanji was most certainly aware that she could be as evil as the titans when she wanted to be, and no one would ever say anything about it simply because that's the way she was. It was an ability she took advantage of quite often.

Now, the reason she was taking advantage of that ability right now? Well, she honestly had no idea, but she was going to do it anyways.

And then, she discovered it. It was the answer to all of her problems, and it would probably have hilarious results. She just needed a test subject...

Grinning darkly, she whipped out her phone.

* * *

_HANJI: eREN! mEET ME IN MY OFFICE! i HAVE AN IMPORTANT EXPERIMENT AND YOU'RE A PART OF LICK!_

_HANJI: SIT*_

_HANJI: a PART OF it!*_

_HANJI: DAMN AUTOCORRECT, WHY DID i DECIDE YOU WERE A GOOD IDEA?_

_EREN: Um, okay... I'll be on my way in a little bit..._

_EREN: P.S., you don't have to use the shift button when typing in caps lock._

_HANJI: OKAY! [^]_[^]_

* * *

''You needed me?'' Eren said as he stepped into her creepily dark office. He was instantly curious, seeing as Hanji always loved it being bright inside her office.

''Ah, Eren~ So nice of you to join me!'' she said in a singsong voice, proceeded to creep Eren out and make him try to hightail it out of the room. Too late, he tried to escape, because she'd already closed and locked the door!

''H-Hanji? What'reyoudoing?'' he said quickly, more than a little panicky. She laughed evilly, grinning.

''Not what your brain is telling you, that's for sure!'' she said, looking him straight in the eye while smiling. Her grin was so wide, it reminded him of something evil he'd seen before. What was it again? The Smiling Titan? No, she's not _that_ creepy.

She's worse. And then, it clicked in his head what she reminded him off. She reminded him of something he'd seen online. Something creepy, something awful, something so terrifying he couldn't sleep.

She reminded him of fucking Jeff the Killer.

''What's wrong, Eren? Are you okay?'' she asked in false concern, noticing his face had gone from panicked fear to blank fear.

''Why am I here?'' he asked, looking up at her with fearful eyes. She laughed maniacally.

''Oh, I'm glad you asked! I found this new...game... online and I was wondering if you would like to play it!'' she said enthusiastically. He blinked a few times.

''A...game? That's it?'' he asked, raising an eyebrow. Here he was, thinking this was going to be his last day alive, and all she wanted him to do was play a computer game?

''YUP! So whatcha think!?'' she basically screamed. He stuck a finger in his ear, just to make sure he could still hear.

''Sure, I don't mind playing a game. What's it called?'' he asked, moving over to where she had the laptop set up.

''It's this really neat game called Slender: The Eight Pages'' she explained, flopping down in an extra chair while he pulled the desk chair up to the laptop and sat down.

''How do you play?'' he asked, waiting for the game to load.

''Um, I think you use the arrow keys to move, you use the mouse pad to look around. To run, you hold the shift button while moving, to zoom in you use the Q key, and to zoom out you use the E key. To grab a page, you left click, and to turn the flashlight on or off you right click. Pretty sure that's it'' she said, telling him the various controls. He nodded.

''Alright, now all I have to do is find eight pages. Got it'' he said. He found himself wondering though, wasn't there something bad about a game called Slender? Oh well, he couldn't think of it right now, which made it unimportant.

* * *

After moving around the game a bit, he was completely submersed into the virtual realism of the game. Although the graphics themselves weren't that good, Hanji had really good headphones, and combine good sounding headphones to the creepy soundtrack of the game and his mission of finding the eight pages, he had successfully locked himself into a state of virtual hyper-awareness. At least, that's what he was going to call it. He'd found three pages so far, and with every page he picked up the music would get even creepier. Hanji was recording the entire thing on her phone without him even realizing it. His eyes were wide with anticipation and nervousness, searching for the next page.

''Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I am going to die!'' he was whispering- quite loudly- to himself. Hanji lifted a hand over her mouth to stifle giggles. He was pathetically engrossed.

''Don't turn around, don't turn around, do NOT turn around, holy shit why did I turn around he's right fucking there its a faceless fucking_ titan_!'' he screamed, ripping the headphones off of his head just as static started flicking the screen violently, showing a closeup of dear old Slendy's face.

''Go away go away go away go away!'' he screamed, slamming the laptop closed and sliding it away from his being as fast as humanly possible.

Hanji couldn't hold it in anymore, she fell out of her chair onto the floor, laughing like the maniacal crazy lady she was.

''You screamed like Levi when I threw a dung beetle at him!'' she wheezed between laughter. He huffed, before pausing. Imagining Levi screaming was...nearly impossible. So when he succeeded at imagining it, he was laughing just as hard as Hanji. Suddenly, they heard someone beating on her office door, quite violently.

''Oi, what the fuck are you idiots on about? Open the fucking door so I can drag Eren's useless ass back to his position!''

Speak of the devil, and he shall appear...

''I'm coming, Sir! I'm sorry, Sir!'' Eren said, jumping up from his position on the floor to run out the door and back to his position. Hanji opened the door for him, and as he left, she yanked Levi in.

''Oh, don't leave yet Levi. I think you're gonna wanna see this!''

* * *

Well, to put it simply, the amount of injuries Eren received daily decreased immensely, much to Mikasa's confusion and delight. A few people noticed that whenever he was performing on a subpar level though, instead of abusing him, all Levi would do was whisper the words 'Slender man' and Eren would immediately tense up and work twice as hard.

Others still noticed he'd developed an uncanny phobia of tall people and people dressed formally.

No one knows why but Hanji, Levi, and Eren himself.

* * *

_**So, I was planning on having all the horror games in one chapter, but then I figured that would get dull so I decided that the horror games would be split into sections and posted sporadically throughout the story.**_

_**Up Next: Ships, Drunk Texts, and Miley Cyrus **_

_**Join us next time on Total...Drama- wait, wrong fandom...**_

_**Join us next time on Shingeki...no...Internet!**_


End file.
